Joke of the day

Two friends are talking

Friend 1: Yaar mein soch raha hun ki tractor khareedon yaan bhains
Friend 2: Arey isme kya sochna hai. Tractor khareed. Bhains par sawaari karta kya acha lagega.
Friend 1: Haan, woh to theek hai, par kya tractor ka doodh nikalta theek lagoonga

Angrezi mein anuvad (Translation in English)

Friend 1: I am thinking on whether I should buy a tractor or a buffalo
Friend 2: What is there to think about! Buy a tractor. You would not look good travelling on a buffalo.
Friend 3: Yes, that is right, but would it look nice milking a tractor.

Another One

A man gets down at a railway station in Haryana. He approaches a Jat standing at the Railway Station and asks him: "Bhai Sahab, ek choti si takleef de sakta hun"

Jat bhai (in a very husky tone): Deke dikha

Category: Humour

Leadership session at Radisson, Noida on December 26, 2005

The session was attended by around 30 people. Following is the definition of a good leader according to them:

• People can follow willfully
• Enables more leaders
• Can mobilize people to confirm to a common objective
• Takes initiative
• Acts as a coach and guide
• Takes right decisions at the right time
• Creates an environment conducive for highest productivity
• Aligns individual and team goals
• Motivates the team
• Gets the team buy-in
• Understands the need of the team members
• Does not let stress trickle down to the team
• Respects and acknowldes individual contribution
  
• Resolves conflicts at the right time and in a timely fashion
  
• Takes charge
• Works in a team
• Bridges gap between organization goals and implementation
• Guides the whole team towards the final goal
• Shapes teams success and takes ownership of failure
• Leads by action
• Does not need to prove that he is a leader
• Can define the future of the team

Category: Philosophy, Official

A Poetic Interlude to "What makes change so difficult?"

The jist of the story

Chapter I

You will never get yourself out of the hole till you agree that you are stuck in a hole.

Chapter II

You might pretend that you are not stuck in a hole. It does not make a difference, the only person getting hurt is you :)

Chapter III

Once you realize that you are stuck in a hole and you agree to it, then you will definitely get out of it. You have completed the difficult part.

Chapter IV

Once you learn the process of understanding when you are going to get stuck into a hole, you will know the trick on how to avoid it. You are experienced now :)

Chapter V

Over the time, you will know that this road will be full of holes, so you will never enter that. You are old now :)

Category: Philosophy

A Poetic Interlude to "What makes change so difficult?"

5 short chapters

Chapter I

I walk, down the street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in
I am lost.... I am helpless
It isn't my fault
It takes forever to find a way out

Chapter II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again
I can't believe I am in the same place but, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III

I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.'
I still fall in.... it's a habit, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter V

I walk down another street.

Problematic behavior persists for a variety of reasons. Important in those reasons are the stories or explanations we offer ourselves about what we do:

• I AM HELPLESS (Main kuch nahin kar sakta)
  
• IT ISN'T MY FAULT (Meri to koi galti nahin hai)
  
• I PRETEND.... (Mujhe nahin pata)

Category: Philosophy

Objectives of people in life

A man was hurt in an accident. His car (A Rolls Royce) was damaged. The man started to cry that his Rolls Royce had been damaged. People told him that he should thank god that he had only lost his hand and escaped death. The mans reaction on this : "Oh God, my Rolex."

December

10th

Neal-N-Nikki (Waves, Noida)

It was a chitrahaar.



11th

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Shakuntalam)

I am still wondering what hit me.


18th

BluffMaster (Odeon, CP)

Big B in the making. The end was good, would watch the movie once again just for the music.


Category: Entertainment

Movies my parents have seen in the theatre over the years



Roti, Kapda aur Makaan


Kabhi Kabhi

Coolie


Movies with no names (names which have been lost over the time :))

One in Nigar - a theatre in Ambala

One in Nishaat - a theatre in Ambala

Sounds funny, but thats my mimimum target number every quarter

Category: Entertainment

Trivia from the morning FM show

RJ: Amrita, you look so fit. What do you have in the morning?
Amrita: Breakfast

Hmmmm, madame, I thought we all had lunch in the morning ;)

Category: Humour

A bit of history

The Genius, His Bat and The Records

An article published on sulekha long time back ( Mar 22 2003 )

Ping Pong Tournament in Conexant

Won

Excerpts from the E-Mail that was sent as a build-up to the Ping Pong tournament finale (talking about third eye opinions)

Singles Category: Pramod Narayana vs Vaibhav Madan (18:00)

About Pramod : Looks deceive!!!...and he is the perfect example of why. Hidden behind that ever-smiling face & boyish persona is the giant killer who has conquered the likes of Rahul Setia, Jasmeet Chaddha & above all the man who was expected to stroll away with the winners cheque...Chirag Gupta. The critics consider him to be the most complete player on the Conexant Ping Pong scene. With due respect to his opponent he is the favourite to finish at the top of the podium.

What to watch out for : The killer backhand & forehand smash loaded with top spin.

About Vaibhav : They say that he was the king of the Ping Pong jungle during the company's Ficon & Globespan days. Form is temporary but class is permanent.... he has proved this by shaking of that rust and storming his way into the Finals. He has not played in ages, yet he has conquered the likes of Mayur Singh & Saikat Sanyal with surgical precision. If Ping Pong was only about mental strength then he would have been the undisputed champion. No one has been able to catch a glimpse of emotion on his face whenever he has played. Will he finally give in to the pressure?

What to watch out for : The impeccable manner in which he exploits his opponents weaknesses and of course!...the searing backhand smash.

Category: Official, Sports

Someone has lost something. Did you find it?

This was the topic the second time I won an Uncle Chips watch and lots of Uncle Chips in the show "Bole mere lips, I love uncle chips" For the first topic, go to Are you happy or are you married?

Here are the excerpts of the answer which I gave that got me a watch and lots of Uncle Chips :)

Ello Mita,

Bole Mere Lips, I love Uncle Chips

Found something, Are something No No Everything. The day Bill came in contact with Monika, his B lost and it was I who found it. So now Bill has become Mr. ill. Ever wondered why politicians love masses so much. No, I will tell you. I found the m of masses. So now it has become TiTi. You guessed it right. Ever wondered why I called “Ello Mita” to address you. Yes, because I have found the H and S there. Ever wondered what would happen if I found the C of chips. No, then its time you watch your hips. So Mita, if you want your S (prolonged a bit to sound like as_), then contact me at:

Vaibhav Madan
Delhi Institute of Technology,
PappanKalan,
Delhi

Category: Creativity

Yeh desh hai veer jawano ka
albelo ka mastano ka
is desh ka yaroon, is desh ka yaroon kya kehna

GMail You have got E-Mail

GMail No E-Mail

Look out for the visual differences between the above two images. The first image has a M on a white background, which is the GMails way of telling you that someone has sent you a love letter :) The second images has just white balloon, which is GMails way of telling you that its time to get out of the office and find new friends who have Internet Access and can make the white balloon stand out with a M on top :)

Category: Blah

Getting Educated on how to Get Fooled

Hmmmm. Sounds interesting.

No new meters until people educated.

Context of the story: In the past few months, the electricity meters of households in Delhi have been replaced by new electronic meters. These meters were supposed to be better and more accurate.

Followup: Regular complaints from consumers that their bills are sky rocketing.

Answer to consumer complaints: Bills may be more than electricity consumed because the new electronic meters also measure the leakage that might be taking place in the house. This means that the new electronic meters can "see the invisible and quantify the unquantifiable"

Solution: The consumers will be educated that the invisible things are part of the life (After all God is everywhere even though you cannot see him / her) and the difference between what they receive as bill and what they consume is what they cannot see.

Comments: I really admire the brains of the person who came up with this brilliant philosophy of measuring the invisible leakage current in the house. After all, you cannot really deny the existence of something which is invisible.

Category: Humour

Bug Fixes


What is the life of a software engineer without bugs in code?

A code which has been written which did not crash when you tested it will crash in the premises of the customer :) Sounds funny, but it is one of the worst nightmares when you have to give a demo to the customer and the code refuses to stay awake for more that a couple of minutes. What could be more heroic than dying a glorius death in the battle field? This is the philosophy followed by the army of bugs which creeps into the code of the developers and fights their way back at the most inopportune of moments. The revenue for the next quarter of your company depends on that one hour you got from the customer in which you have to give the demo and there it comes with all guns firing. There will be a grin on its face "Hehe, And you thought you were writing code?"

Perspective


The glass is half full or half empty. Is it a sun rise or a sun set? How many times have we heard someone say "Only if you were to step into my shoes, you were to know the reality!"? How difficult is it to understand the situation from the perspective of the other person? It may be as easy as taking a comfortable single with a nod of the head, where the perspectives of both players are the same or getting run out in the way INZI got out in the World Cup clash between India and Pakistan. The only difference in the comparison is that cricket would give you a second opportunity to make amends but life does not.


"When you were small and unable to speak anything, I was able to understand all that you wanted. Now that you are grown up and can express your needs, I am unable to understand what you need". These were the words from Waheda Rahman to Fardeen Khan in the movie Om, Jai, Jagadeesh. A mother, who has been gratifying the needs of her small children abruptly bumps into the reality that she is no longer able to comprehend the needs of her grown up children. Is it because small children have no strong perception about the material realities of the world and hence there was no clash during the young days but as they have grown up to come to terms with the world, the way they look at the world is different from their parents? Whatever the case, the situation was perfect to explain how perspectives change as we grow and how a lack of communication can harm the best of relations.


The thought process is the incessant search of the human brain to find the perfect solution for the questions that have multiple answers (right or wrong will again depend on the person who is taking the decision) - each depending on what the mind has learnt through the past experience. The September 11 attack on USA led to a full fledged retaliation in Afghanistan to crush the Taliban and a war in Iraq to crush the hidden and unknown enemy. Many view the war in Iraq as a business gameplan of the President to further his own motives. This might be the hidden idea of the President also but all that won't matter if another 9/11 attack was to happen. All the perceptions will change and the business/personal plans/motives would not matter. On the other side of the spectrum, the proxy war being faught in Kashmir has continued and continued and nothing but continued. It hasn't led India to a war to crush the known enemy. The difference in perspectives of the leadership in the two countries brings a long term peace to the USA in return for a short war while it brings a long term war to India, just because our history teaches us to find solutions in a peaceful manner.


An uncle of mine used to tell me a story that I never found interesting till I reached the age where my perception of the story changed. There was a man who used to live with his father and son in a small house. They had a small farm near their house and the man used to work in the farm to earn the living. The life used to move on a day to day basis - dinner for the night would depend on the earnings made during the day. One day, the Sun was turning the earth into a hot oven and it was very difficult to work in the farm. The man had no choice but to go out and work. His father asked him to stay indoors because his son's safety was paramount to him. The man wanted to go out and work because filling the stomach of his father and son was paramount to him. There was a clash of thoughts - both were right in their own context, but the decision had to be taken by the man. He decided to go out and work in the farm. As soon as he had gone out to work, his father made the small son go out and help the man. The man was very furious with his father - The earth was burning like a hot oven and he had sent the small child to work in the farm. The perceptions had changed because the man was standing on a different side of the fence now.

As Winston, the chief protagonist of 1984 by George Orwell says "A single man having the will to change the perception of the majority is the one to which humanity is indebted to for its existence. A single man having the will to understand the perception of the majority is the one who leads the humanity to the path of success."

Category: Philosophy

Are you happy or are you married?

"Bole mere lips, I love uncle chips" This was one of the shows which used to come when there was only one FM in Delhi and it was a hit among the creative minds. The reason was it gave you an opportunity to think wierd, to think about things which you would never have thought of, to think about ideas which would never have come to your mind. And the best part of thinking wierd was that you could win prizes. In one of those series of questions which were asked week after the other, Smita (the host of the show) asked this funny question: Are you happy or are you married?

Hmmm. The kind of question it is, it deserved to be answered. Here are the excerpts of the answer which I gave that got me a watch and lots of Uncle Chips :)

Hi Smita,
Bole mere lips, I love Uncle Chips.

Raat ke 12 bajne ko hai. Mein badi mushkil se apne ghar se bahar nikal kar aaya hun. Iska karan to aap janna hi chahte honge. Iska karan hai ke mein shaadi shuda hun. Meri biwi mujhe ghar se bahar nahin nikalne deti. Mujhe ghar ka saara kaam karna padta hai.

Par is sabke bawajug mein HAPPY hun. Iska karan hein mere maan-baap? Unhonne bachpan mein hi mera naam Happy Singh rakh diya tha. This is why "I am happy as well as married".

Thanks,
Vaibhav

Category: Humour, Creativity

List of most common cribs people have for me :)


Introvert :)


When was the last time you spoke continuously for 2 minutes? Hmm, let me remember, hmm, still remembering, hmm, well it was on, hmm, no not that time, probably, hmm, well u r right :)


Smile, sweetheart, smile :)


Workaholic :)


Not a social animal, hmm, so does this mean I am a social human being :)

Emotion Less Face :)

Category: Personality

Bhaiya Dooj (Chote Bhaiya)








Category: Wishes

Bhaiya Dooj (Bade Bhaiya)















Category: Wishes